Setting Goals for Your Dating Life

Exercise 2: How to Achieve Your Goal
What is a goal? It’s a desired outcome; something you’re striving for; something you want; something you are willing to lend energy to—a result, an achievement to which you can point—real and unmistakable. You want to improve your quality of life by reaching your goal. Get a piece of paper and search your soul for answers to these exercises then write them down.

1. What is your overall purpose in getting into the dating scene, your long-range hope for yourself?

Is it to get married to a person you really love—and like—unconditionally, who, in return, will love you in the same way, enough to make a life-long commitment?

When I started writing the singles book in early 2004, my attitude towards dating changed from passive to active. I had been on an 8-year hiatus from dating. I am actively making an effort to find a spouse. My goal was to get married before I turn 50 (June, 2005). Time-wise, it was doable. I felt that if I found the right person, I would know it and if all worked well, I’d be engaged in six months and married in another six.

It wasn’t impossible, just a challenge. I knew the type of person that I wanted and I was going to the best places where I have the greatest chances of finding him. I was being creative on ways to meet new people and opening myself to the people around me who may be potential dates whom I had never considered before. Yes, it is frustrating at times, but I look to the Lord for guidance and strength and I hope and pray that I will recognize my soul mate when I find him.

(2009 Update: I’m 54 and still single.)

Or is your goal to find a person you can love who loves you also, who wants to share companionship but not live together or get married?

At the same time I decide to get back into the dating scene, friend of mine, a widow for two years, finally decided she was ready to start going out and getting into the dating scene. Problem was that she married her husband of thirty-something years right after high school. She never had any “dating” experience.

Many women in their 40’s and 50’s are finding themselves in similar situations—whether it is from the death of a spouse or divorce. You feel like a 20-year-old, dropped into this strange world called the “dating scene.” Plus, you are just starting to discover who you are as a single person and enjoying it. You’re thinking of yourself as “I”—no longer a part of a “we.” You’re finding new things to enjoy, but you also feel the need to share it with someone—exploring and experimenting on who you are, what you like and don’t like and what you can do, what you need and don’t need.

As you become more independent, you begin looking for more in your relationships. But, then you say, “I don’t want to get married, yet. I just started to live as a single person.” You want companionship, but not commitment. That’s fine, if you express that when you first meet someone. When you place an ad, you need to indicate that you want a casual dating relationship or just friendship. That way, only people who are looking for the same thing will contact you.

2. Accept life as it is and try to make it better. Learn from the mistakes you have made in the past by making a statement regarding each mistake that you wish to correct.

What are your personal goals? Here are some suggestions:
To increase my own personal chances of finding love.
To meet more people no matter what.
To take note of my hesitancy and how it affects what I do.
To start doing things right now to search for love and not wait until I’m in a better place.
To believe that somewhere out there, God has the right person for me.
To stop my fears from manipulating my love life.
To work enthusiastically on my self-esteem.
To stick to my principles.

3. Rank your goals in the order in which you believe they will help you obtain your overall purpose.

Common sense will tell you that certain goals must be reached before you can tackle others. For instance, you need to go out and start meeting new people if you’re going to run into that person that God has waiting for you. All goals are important—don’t eliminate any of them. Now, write each of your first three goals at the top of a clean page. These are now your main objectives.

4. Goals are attained by creating stages of specific transitional objectives—one step at a time. To attain your aspirations, these objectives must meet certain conditions: Each objective must be:

Manageable – The objective must be realistic for you. Choose a small step that you know for sure that you are willing and actually able to do, and that, knowing yourself as you do, you believe has a good chance of actually being accomplished—like going to a church singles group before diving head first into the online dating scene.

Meaningful – Each objective must be significant enough that accomplishing it makes you feel good and gives you a sense of progress. Don’t set up a task so irrelevant that it is meaningless. Attach positive values to each task.

Measurable – Your objective must be both explicit and attainable in a certain period of time so that you will know with certainty when you have or have not achieved it. Like “I will try to go to at least three singles events by the end of this month.”

Monitored – You need to put your objective deadline on your calendar and check it often to see whether you have achieved your objective. You can also get friends, family or members of a support group to help you do this. In addition, you need to evaluate your progress and have a friend who will encourage you in your efforts. However, don’t allow negative people to hold you back. Surround yourself with friends who think positive.

If you have a bad day, stay focused on what your goal is and where you want to be. Think of where you’re going, not where you are today. Consider the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

Get Enthusiastic! This is the first day of the rest of your life! Pray. Have faith. Go for it! Success comes in cans; failure comes in can’ts.

Read Risk

If you want to be able to hear what God's will for your life is, you need to have a relationship with Him and His Son, Jesus.

Click here to learn how to have a relationship with God and Christ.

God Bless,

Giselle
http://www.giselleaguiar.com/
Phoenix Singles Examiner

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Ask and You Shall Receive

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” ~ Matthew 7:7

It’s true. It works. But sometimes God blesses us by not answering our prayers exactly.

This “Prayer of an Unknown Confederate Soldier” was part of a letter found on the body of a Confederate soldier killed in the line of duty:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak , that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for – but everything that I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men, most richly blessed.

It’s easy to tell God what we want – a miracle, a spouse, things, money, a new car, a better job, a job -period and we also tell Him how exactly we want it delivered.

Have you ever bargained with God? “Oh, God, if I win the lottery I’ll give half to charity!”

It doesn’t work that way.

Our Creator has his own purposes for us. Many times it’s just to teach us that He is in Control. No matter what our will is, it’s His Will that wins in the end.

We need to stop ignoring God.

Click here to get to know God personally.

God Bless,
Giselle
http://www.giselleaguiar.com/
Phoenix Singles Examiner

Determination: Never Give Up

Many people are going thru tough times right now and it's really hard to think of one's dreams or goals when you're wondering how you're going to pay next month's mortgage or rent payment. But like this article from Joyce Meyer Ministries explains "God is a rewarder of the relentless, of those who are determined, persevering, steadfast and faithful."

When I was going through my trial last fall, this passage helped to get me through: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. ~ Romans 5:3-5

Rejoice in our sufferings? Be joyful in our trials? Yes. God never said that life would be without trials. He gave us free will and we make mistakes, make wrong decisions, take the wrong path. We are supposed to learn from our mistakes and trials. Sometimes trials happen thru no fault of your own - like lay-offs at work. But the idea that we need to keep going, to get up after falling down, PERSEVERE.

I used to say "I'm going to have great character when this is over." And I think I do. Now as I wait yet again for unemployment insurance to kick in, I'm in a better place. I am at the mercy of the State of Arizona and there's nothing I can do but wait. Yet, I'm not sitting twiddling my thumbs. I've started this blog and 2 others, I've revised an old singles website of mine and set up my novel's website (see links below).

Character builders I've learned:

1. Trust in God - He is there 24/7.
2. Patience - there are a lot of things that are beyond your control. There's nothing you can and there's no sense getting angry or upset.
3. Don't be lazy - If there is something that is in your control - do it.
4. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help -- $200/m in food stamps comes in handy. I've got free health insurance and prescriptions.
5. I spend more time with the Lord - praying and reading the bible.

I recommend Philippians and James. Here are a couple of quotes from each:

Don’t worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ~ Philippians 4:6

It's hard to be grateful to God when you're going thru a tough time, but you have to. Give thanks for the food you do have, the roof over your head - whatever it may be, the people in your life, etc. Count your blessings.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ~James 1:2-4

There's that perseverance word again.

And of course, the old standby - the 23rd Psalm:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [or through the darkest valley] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

When I feel my lowest, I always take this out and read it aloud. I copied it on an index card and carry it in my purse.

Evil is the absence of God just as darkness is the absence of light. Strive towards the light- Jesus Christ!

Read Joyce Meyer's latest book:
Never Give Up!: Relentless Determination to Overcome Life's Challenges

If you don't have a relationship with God and Jesus, pray this prayer wholeheartedly right now:
Dear Jesus, I am a sinner and need you in my life. Please forgive me of my sins. I believe that You died on the cross and rose from the grave. Please come into my heart and life. Thank you for helping me turn from my sins and follow you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

If you received Jesus into your heart, welcome to the family of God! The following will help you deepen your relationship with Christ:

1. Pray. Just talk to God no matter where you are. He doesn’t care what the words are, just that they are sincere.
2. Read the Bible everyday to learn about Jesus and how to live that pleases God. Start with 1 John, then the Gospel of John, the Philippians.
3. An important part of helping your relationship with Christ grow is to tell others about Him. Demonstrate God’s love and be active in telling others about Jesus.
4. Find a bible-based church and become active getting to know other Christians. Find one with a singles ministry or groups for people your age. Many have groups for different interests. Shop around, but commit yourself to finding one and joining a church family. (Read the Benefits of a Church Family).

If you have questions, please feel free to comment and I will reply.

God Bless,
Giselle <>< http://www.giselleaguiar.com/
Check out my new column for singles at Phoenix Examiner.com