The Last Post for this blog

My dear friends, 

The Lord is leading me to yet another ministry and that is to reach out to Hispanics with the truth. Next week I'll be participating at Luis Palau's Arizona City Fest as a bilingual counselor helping people who want to give their lives to Jesus. 

I'm also going to start a new blog: En Espanol: La Verdad (In Spanish: The Truth). My goal is only to tell the truth of Jesus Christ in Spanish. Mostly I'll be translating articles I've already written. 

I feel that the articles in this Joy of Single Living Blog have covered most all of the issues singles may face. Though there will be no more new posts, the blog articles will remain, archived in cyberspace eternity. 

I do want to leave you singles out there with this message from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:

For this is the will of God, that you should be consecrated (separated and set apart for pure and holy living): that you should abstain and shrink from all sexual vice, that each one of you should know how to possess (control, manage) his own body in consecration (purity, separated from things profane) and honor, not [to be used] in the passion of lust like the heathen, who are ignorant of the true God and have no knowledge of His will...

... For the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we have already warned you solemnly and told you plainly.

For God has not called us to impurity but to consecration [to dedicate ourselves to the most thorough purity]. 

Therefore whoever disregards (sets aside and rejects this) disregards not man but God, Whose [very] Spirit [Whom] He gives to you is holy (chaste, pure).

As the Lord said, "I will not leave you as orphans in the night..." there is another blog for you to follow with great articles and advice for singles and that's Boundless.org. I especially like their last article: Called to Singleness.

If God has called me to be single to better service Him, then I'll serve in a state of sexually abstinent singleness.

Soli Deo Gloria!

To God Alone be the Glory!

Giselle Aguiar

Award Winning Christian Author

Online dating services - go Christian

The other night I was watching a late (after midnight) movie and a commercial came on for an online dating service - which I won't mention because I refuse to give them publicity - but their tagline shocked me: "log in - hook up". 

My first thought was "we Christians are fighting a losing battle - there's just too much sex out there." Then I remembered that God wins in the end. I thought it seems an impossible task to turn a sex-crased world into God-fearing, Christ-centered people. Then I remembered that nothing is impossible for God. 

Then I thought "there are going to be a lot of people in hell." Yep. But we still have to try and reach as many people as we can. 

The best way to resist temptation is to avoid it in the first place. 

How do you do that? 

Hang out with Christians. You start behaving like the people you hang out with. 

Don't watch movies with sexual content. Stay away from R-rated movies. Check to see why it was given the R rating. Ask yourself, would Jesus watch this? 

Read your Bible. God gave us instructions for living for a reason. He gave us free-will, but he wants us to make the right decisions, thus he laid it all out in the world's best seller - the Bible. If you don't own one, go online to www.biblegateway.com or www.crosswalk.com.

Use the Christian dating services like www.ChristianCafe.com. My former roommate recently met her fiance there. 

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13 

Do you know God?

God Bless,

Giselle Aguiar

Soli Deo Gloria

www.giselleaguiar.com

Follow Giselle on Twitter

Note: I am no longer the Phoenix Unchurched Singles Examiner. Those articles will stay live in their archives. 

What Marriage is Not - Part 3

Why do people marry the wrong people for all the wrong reasons? Before you start looking for marriage, you need to know what marriage is not.

Marriage is not servitude. One person is not there to completely take care of the other. It has to be a mutual nurturing of each other. If one person puts more into it than the other, then that person will burn out and wonder what happened.

Marriage won’t solve all your needs. If you’re a needy person, don’t expect your spouse to fix that need. You need to fix it yourself before you make a commitment.

Paul, a guy I met, had been married three times and each time to a needy woman. They saw him as their “night in shining armor.” But, when he was the one in need, they were not there for him. Once their needs were met, they left him. He was attracted to my profile because of my independence and self-sufficiency. He had learned his lesson, but it took him three failed marriages to learn it.

If you can’t take care of yourself before you get married, don’t expect someone to take care of you after.

Marriage is not a gamble. “If it doesn’t work, we can get divorced.” That’s what I used to hear back in the 70’s and 80’s. That’s why the divorce rate got so high. Divorce is not an “out” for something that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Marriage is a forever thing. You need to take your time and not be in a rush. Ask God for direction. Never speed up and jump ahead of Him. Relax and let God’s plan come to fruition in His time. Don’t be in a hurry, because if you are, you are likely to make a mistake. Besides, you’ll look desperate and that’s a major turn-off. God may not always deliver in our timeframe, but He always delvers the best. You need the 3 P’s—patience, persistence and perception.

Marriage is not a cure for lust. Don’t think that once you’re married you can have all the sex that you want. You cannot expect your spouse to “perform” every night and he/she should not expect it from you. If that’s what you look forward to in marriage, you need to resolve the issue before you hit the dating scene. One-night stands go nowhere so, if you start dating with that mentality, you might as well remain unmarried and enjoy casual sex forever. But don’t expect a deep, meaningful relationship based on lust. It just doesn’t happen. (Read: Avoiding False Intimacy.)

Marriage is not a cure for dating. In one of the greatest romantic comedies, When Harry, Met Sally, (Nelson Entertainment, 1989) Harry, played by Billy Crystal, is telling Sally, played by Meg Ryan, that he’s getting a divorce and he tells her, “I got married so I could stop dating.” That’s exactly how I feel. The problem with this attitude is that you become desperate. You think that when you find the right person, you want the relationship be solidified and committed. But you can’t be in a hurry. You need the relationship to take its natural course. And some will go quicker than others—as Harry said at the end of the movie when he finally understood that Sally was the right person, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

Independence Day
You can be married and still be independent. Independence means you can set sail on your own and manage not to sink the boat. You don’t need anyone to survive, but it’s nice to have someone around to lend a hand so you don’t have to do everything by yourself. Independence is good and a quality people seek in a mate.

Next time: An excercise: Know Yourself.

But before you can know yourself, you need to know God. Click here for guidance.

God Bless,
Giselle
http://www.giselleaguiar.com/
Phoenix Singles Examiner

What Marriage is Not – Part 2

Why do people marry the wrong people for all the wrong reasons? Before you start looking for marriage, you need to know what marriage is not.

Marriage will mend my broken heart. How long should you wait before you start dating after a divorce or death of a spouse? The “rule-of-thumb” is two years. Both death and divorce cause grief. Divorce also deals with guilt and anger. Grief, guilt and anger have to be resolved before you can move on. Otherwise, they are carried into the new relationship. The best thing is to meet with your Pastor first and see if you’re really ready for the dating scene. A good place to start is a group specifically for divorced or widowed people—many churches offer these. Check out the Singles Resource Guide for a list of websites and online discussion groups as well as your local paper.

If you’re just dealing with a break-up from a dating relationship, the waiting period depends on how long you were dating. If it was less than a year, then the relationship wasn’t a well-rooted one and a few weeks or a couple of months should be sufficient. If the relationship was going on for several years, then it should be treated like a divorce. Guilt is concerned with the past, worry is concerned with the future and contentment enjoys the present.

Marriage will make me happy. “Someday my prince will come…” Well, I’m still waiting! If you’re not happy as a single person, you’re not going to be happy married. Something is missing in your life and it’s not a spouse. You need to be happy with who you are and your life as it is before you can think of being happy as a married person. The Word of God changes people; marriage doesn’t. You need to call on God to lead you to happiness. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around and faith looks up.

Everyone should be married. Not necessarily. It just might not be in God’s plan for you to marry. You need to pray and try to interpret God’s will for you. Is He leading you in the direction of marriage? If you’ve been single for a long time, you need to realize that marriage means a lot of compromise. It’s a whole different lifestyle that you will have to get used to. Talk with some of your married friends and see how they adapted. Remember, a good marriage founded in Christ can overcome all obstacles.

With time, I can change my mate into someone I can live with. Wrong. That’s a responsibility that God didn’t intend for us to have. A person can’t change unless they want to. You need to let go and let God.

The most important relationship of your life is not with another human being – it’s your relationship with God. If you are Christian and need to deepen your relationship with God, read the Bible or check out these books.

If you don’t have a relationship with God and would like one, it’s easy. Just pray this prayer wholeheartedly:

Dear Jesus,

Come into my heart. I accept you as my Lord and Saviour. I repent of my sins. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If you received Jesus into your heart, welcome to the family of God! The following will help you deepen your relationship with Christ:

• Pray. Just talk to God no matter where you are. He doesn’t care what the words are, just that they are sincere.
• Read the Bible everyday to learn about Jesus and how to live that pleases God. Start with 1 John, then the Gospel of John, the Philippians.
• An important part of helping your relationship with Christ grow is to tell others about Him. Demonstrate God’s love and be active in telling others about Jesus.
• Find a bible-based church and become active getting to know other Christians. Find one with a singles ministry or groups for people your age. Many have groups for different interests. Shop around, but commit yourself to finding one and joining a church family. (Read the Benefits of a Church Family).

God Bless,
Giselle
http://www.giselleaguiar.com/
Phoenix Singles Examiner

Technorati Tags: marriage,divorce,widow,relationship,love,romance,living together,happiness,singles,single living

Freedom Isn't Free

When I was a teenager I dreamed and looked forward to the day when I'd be FREE! Free to make my own decisions and not have to get my parents' approval. Free to live how and where I wanted. Free to come and go as I please. Free to wear what I want, date whomever pleased me and do whatever I wanted. FREE!

As soon as I left for college, I was FREE! I stopped going to church - my excuse was that I didn't like the church in my college town - but I didn't bother to go "church shopping". I had better things to do on Sunday morning - like getting over a hangover from Saturday night! I was FREE to party hardy and I did. I seriously don't know how I survived my college years. Many a morning I'd wake up and not remember how I got home the night before - but somehow, my car was safely parked in the parking lot and I was in my bed unharmed. (Albeit with a nasty hangover - until I discovered that I didn't get a hangover with Southern Comfort and 7Up - I could drink those all night and be right as rain the next day.)

It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I started my spiritual journey back to a solid relationship with God and Jesus Christ. And it wasn't till last year (35 years since I first left for college), when I realized that the FREEDOM that I thought I had was really keeping me in chains.

I was watching The Truth Project and Dr. Del Tackett read this passage from the Old Testament:

“…You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the LORD, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes. Then you will remember to obey all my commands and will be consecrated to your God. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt to be your God. I am the LORD your God.' " ~ Numbers 15: 39-41

It was like God had slapped me upside the head. (He does that sometimes when He really wants to get our attention. Too bad many times we ignore Him.)

“…not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes.” The phrase “prostitute yourselves” can be replaced by “sell yourselves out.” Isn’t that what we’re doing when we have sex outside of marriage? We are selling ourselves out to hopefully obtain someone else’s love and affection. People, it’s not worth it. (Good Book: 60 Things God Said About Sex by Lester Sumrall.)

I finally realized that I was a slave to my "lusts" - and not just sex, but money, power, food and drink - the "lusts of our own hearts and eyes." There's a phrase for when we fill our plates with more food that we can eat:
"Your eyes are bigger than your stomach".

We overeat and overindulge because it's free - or we think it's free. We're paying by the consequences of our actions. God gave us FREE WILL. We are free to make our own choices, but that doesn't mean we are free to sin to our heart's content! God gave us FREEDOM, but he gave us rules to live by. He gave up His son, Jesus, to die for us so that we would be FREE from sin.

But there are times when that "freedom" of sin is too appealing. Oh, it's not so bad. Once won't hurt. If it feels good - go with it. Go with the flow.

A wise man once said, "The best way to resist temptation is to avoid it in the first place." (Scott Pixler, First Christian Church of Phoenix).

God knows what's good for us and he laid it all out in the Bible. He drew boundaries and we must trust the protection of those boundaries if we are to be truly FREE from SIN.

FREEDOM IS NOT FREE. Jesus paid for our FREEDOM with His LIFE.

Sin’s lure may look like freedom
But in its grip we’re bound;
It’s when we’re bound to Jesus
Real freedom will be found. —D. De Haan
(from Our Daily Bread - June 25, 2009)

So, before we do something that's "iffy" we need to ask ourselves, "Would God be pleased with my actions?" If the answer is NO - DON'T DO IT! It's that simple. And guess what? God's FREEDOM is the best FREEDOM in the world!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7

If you have not found the FREEDOM that God offers, all you have to do is sincerely pray this prayer:
Dear Jesus,

Come into my heart. I accept you as my Lord and Saviour. I repent of my sins. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If you received Jesus into your heart, welcome to the family of God! The following will help you deepen your relationship with Christ:

1. Pray. Just talk to God no matter where you are. He doesn’t care what the words are, just that they are sincere.
2. Read the Bible everyday to learn about Jesus and how to live that pleases God. Start with 1 John, then the Gospel of John, the Philippians.
3. An important part of helping your relationship with Christ grow is to tell others about Him. Demonstrate God’s love and be active in telling others about Jesus.
4. Find a bible-based church and become active getting to know other Christians. Find one with a singles ministry or groups for people your age. Many have groups for different interests. Shop around, but commit yourself to finding one and joining a church family. (Read the Benefits of a Church Family).

God Bless,
Giselle
http://www.giselleaguiar.com/novel1
Follow Giselle on Twitter

Life is not a Love Song

Why am I still single? I’m still looking for my love song. I grew up singing along and dancing to American Bandstand. Music has always been part of my life. I imagine myself living love songs like “More than a Woman” (Bee Gees/Tavares), “God Only Knows” (Beach Boys), old Beatles classics: “I Wanna Hold Your Hand,” ‘Eight Days a Week,” and “P.S. I Love You.” My theme song of late has been Linda Rhonstadt’s “When Will I Be Loved.” Oh, and I can’t forget “I Wanna Know What Love Is” (Foreigner).

Yeah, I know. It’s like dreaming for Prince Charming. I can truly say I’ve never been “in love.” At 50-something, some may find that depressing. Am I missing something? I’ve been “in lust” and infatuated, but never truly “in love.”

Recently, I’ve come to realize that our happiness is in our own hands and I’ve stopped thinking that another human being is the key to my happiness.

I was a victim of great expectations. I expected too much from each relationship I had, and each expectation led to disappointments. If you don’t expect anything, when nothing happens, there’s no disappointment. But if something does happen, it’s a surprise.

But it’s not that easy, is it?

Remember that line from “Jerry Maguire,” “You complete me.” You don’t need someone else to complete you. Only God can do that. If you’re seeking to fill an emptiness inside you, you’re looking in the wrong place. It’s not so much what we’re missing is what we fantasize we’re missing. There is no fulfillment in 1, 2 or 3 night stands. There’s fulfillment in a good relationship not based on sex, but based on love.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ~ 1 John 4:8

Tho it would be nice to have a companion, it’s OK if I can find fulfillment on my own thru my relationship with God. We need to trust that God will bring us what we need — be it a relationship, job, security — in His timetable — not ours. God answers prayers, but it’s not always the answers we want to hear when we want to hear it.

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. ~ James 4:8

If you don't have a relationship with God and Jesus, pray this prayer wholeheartedly right now:
Dear Jesus, I am a sinner and need you in my life. Please forgive me of my sins. I believe that You died on the cross and rose from the grave. Please come into my heart and life. Thank you for helping me turn from my sins and follow you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

If you received Jesus into your heart, welcome to the family of God! The following will help you deepen your relationship with Christ:

1. Pray. Just talk to God no matter where you are. He doesn’t care what the words are, just that they are sincere.
2. Read the Bible everyday to learn about Jesus and how to live that pleases God. Start with 1 John, then the Gospel of John, the Philippians.
3. An important part of helping your relationship with Christ grow is to tell others about Him. Demonstrate God’s love and be active in telling others about Jesus.
4. Find a bible-based church and become active getting to know other Christians. Find one with a singles ministry or groups for people your age. Many have groups for different interests. Shop around, but commit yourself to finding one and joining a church family. (Read the Benefits of a Church Family).

God Bless.
Giselle
I welcome questions.
E-mail: deovolente.love1@gmail.com
http://www.giselleaguiar.com/
Check out my new column for singles at Phoenix Examiner.com